there is a certain grandeur in the idea that one day you can quit your job, cancel your lease and utilites, throw away your cell phone, and abandon the internet. i, friends and colleagues, acheived this certain freedom in mid-June. i bought the ticket, i took the ride. the ride started as a mid-week expedition to Arapiles in midwest Victoria with Crazy Tony and ended in the United business lounge at the San Francisco airport. we needed 7 one-way flights (we missed 2 of them), 15 days in a shitty RV named Herman, 2 mountain bikes (one DH bike, one XC), camping gear including sleeping bags/tent/sleeping pads/stove, rock gear including ropes/cams/nuts/draws/shoes/etc, snowboarding boots (i demo'd everything else), 5 helmets (2 XC, 1 fullface DH, 2 climbing), ice axes, mountaineering boots, crampons, and bear canisters (all borrowed). by the end of the trip i had accumulated 8 new guide books to add insult to my massive oversize luggage bill. i think trying to conquer north america seemed like a good idea at the time.

we had ~200mm of rainfall in Sydney in May. on the northern beaches, where you find all the good mountain biking and climbing close to the city, the rainfall was 257% of average rainfall for the month on May. the rainfall continued into the first half of June. i heard a story that in 1934, the Yarra River in Melbourne became a “raging torrent” after 350mm of rainfall, leaving 35 dead, 250 injured, and 3000+ homeless. i didn’t want to risk drowning. plus i am unemployed and the climbing gym is depressing. so i called Crazy Tony and coerced him to follow me to the edge of the desert to a place called Arapiles on a Monday night. after all, most accidents happen at home.

Arapiles is a world class climbing destination. i say “world class” because there are 3000+ routes and classics throughout all the grades. you can hang out around the parking lot and boulder if you want or undertake big alpinesque multi-pitch classics on the Bluffs. it’s also “world class” because it’s almost all trad climbing and the sandstone is perfect for it. i say “destination” because it’s in the absolute middle of nowhere situated in the middle of flat plains as far as you can see on the edge of the Australian desert. and it’s a pain in the ass to get there, especially if you fly Jetstar and they lose your bags.

we climbed this easy 4-pitch classic (that we turned into 6 becuase of poor rope management) on our 3rd day. Maybe the best climb at the grade (grade 5) in the world. you can see a climber at the top of the first pitch if you squint.

after getting delayed in Sydney and missing our connection in LA Shelley and i finally arrived in Atlanta to see my folks and it was true to form. 108deg (42C) when we finished a trail run on our first day there! day two we went out to the Nantahala River in North Carolina to paddle some whitewater and do a little mountain biking. it’s a nice and cruisy 8miles of Class II and was Shelley’s first time on “real” whitewater – she was stoked.

Ninjaman ruined my week because as his lawyer, i would naturally have to accompany him to Whistler to go to Camp of Champions and be a part of the unemployment chronicles.

Shelley, in the meantime, was hanging out in Squamish climbing the Chief.

and we got together a few days to do some riding at Lost Lake (the XC trails in Whistler Village).

then we flew to Jackson with more gear than God to pick up Herman (the RV) and head up to Yellowstone. I had huuuuuge expectations for Yellowstone and it turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. there are 1000's of tourists driving around creating huge traffic jams at every spurt of hot water and every wild animal. you have to get off the beaten path. so, we hiked out to a seldom-visited lake for a late afternoon swim and camped out.

the animals were a little bit more uncommon that i would have thought, but we saw some good ones.

next stop was back to the adjacent Grand Teton National Park just north of Jackson to climb the Grand Teton. Shelley had been getting pretty gnarly sick from this rash she'd had intermittenly on the trip. it would pretty much take her down for half a day. we figured it was a reaction to the mold or mildew in Herman, but we finally figured out it was Niacin supplements she'd been taking.

however, issues remained. shelley’s gastronomical system hadn’t exactly been “functioning”. mine has been in a microbrew-fuelled overdrive. she went for 6 whole days of eating Jackson’s/Yellowstone's cowboy food – elk, bison, hamburgers, chicken wings, coffee, and beer with no numero dos. 6 whole days!!! her bladder has been reduced to function in a space equivalent to a peanut. poor shelley.

once we climbed the 5000ft to the lower saddle between the Middle and Grand Teton through easy trail, then hard trail, then boulders, then snow, then scree, then soft snow, shelley started functioning!! unfortunately, you can’t just poo up there, you have to use a special poo bag strapped into the most scenic toilet you’ve ever seen. she used up her bag, then she asked if she could use mine. then a horrific stomachache ensued that had her doubled over in pain and no sleep and cramps and this spaced-out look that meant “do not proceed”.

shit happens, literally, and we live to ride another day as they say. it was great to be up there and come so close and really have the feeling that north america’s (besides AK) top alpine climb is totally achievable one day. i’m stoooooked….

Marmot. aggressive little fukkers.

Shelley pooing.

It was a wicked drive from Jackson to Fruita Colarado, a single track MTB mecca in the middle of the desert. The scenery is pretty rad with the Colorado River cutting through the sandstone which makes it tough to keep your eyes on the trail at times.

after a few days of Fruita it was off to Moab. i had high hopes for moab. slickrock is pretty unique and as far as i know the only thing like it in the world. the scenery driving through Canyonlands National Park to get to Moab from Fruita on I-70 is pretty spectacular too. the Colorado River has carved some pretty amazing canyons in the sandstone there and the cliffs and colors make molehills out of Sydney’s Blue Mountains. it’s the most spectacular drive i have ever done.

after leaving Moab we drove across the Utah and Nevada deserts for 14hrs in an RV with no aircon. that really sucked. but then the desert turned back into lush green PNW forests and we were in Yosemite.

i saw a brochure in San Francisco advertising day trips to Yosemite that said “see all of Yosemite in one day”. i can’t imagine you could see all that you wanted if you camped there for a month. if you stayed there for the entire summer you could probably get a pretty good feel for the place and get on some pretty good climbs and hikes. you’d probably feel like you accomplished something if you stayed there for that long. in the three days we spent in the valley, i don’t even feel like we really scratched the surface. of all the places we visited on this month-long trip, the Yosemite valley was my favorite. the Grand Teton NP was pretty amazing, but it was really really nice to get my hands on Yosemite granite. or maybe i was just happy to get out of the desert and away from the RV tourists.

we camped out at Tuolumne Meadows after the huge drive. it was nice to have a campfire chat with one of the rangers where he explained the history of the valley from John Muir’s legendary actions, through the climbing history, all the way to Lynn Hill’s historic ascent of the Nose on El Capitan. there’s a beautiful history in those 3000ft walls that will continue to be written long after we are dead and gone.

i threw shelley into the deep-end again with a 5-pitch trad climb up a 5.4 route known as the Regular Route on Sunnyside Bench. it’s a pretty nice, well protected 5.4 route but it definitely gets a little exposed in bits, especially in the crux. on one of the longer pitches (50m) we lost the ability to hear each other over the roar of Yosemite Falls and when Shelley climbed up to me, she was in full tears letting me know that she didn’t want to climb anymore. hopefully she didn’t mean it.

Top of the route with Half Dome in the view.

The two of us pretty beat after the 4hr round trip.

Tequila is the recurring theme in my life.

Things I learned:

1) When renting an RV, ask how old it is, how many miles it has, and if everything works.

2) Don't bring a mountain bike on a trip unless you are going to only one or two places and plan to ride more than 5-6 days. MTB meccas rent sick bikes for cheap.

3) Don't ride off the Trails in the desert. Desert thorns are sickdonkulous.

4) RV's suck to drive and they're really expensive to rent. they're not romantic in a "livin' free" sorta way either. rent a truck and camp. it's more enjoyable and waaaay easier.

5) Ansel Adams was right. Yosemite and the Grand Teton NP and the sickest places in the lower 48. Whistler's bike park is a "must" if you like riding DH.

6) Girls get pissed off when they don't have access to showers for prolonged periods of time.

7) i will never enjoy jibbing.

i want to spend the spring in Hakuba, the summer in Yosemite, the fall in Whistler, and the winter in Jackson for one year of my life.

9) yellowstone and moab are overrated.

10) trad climbing's gonna open a lot of doors for me.

i'm in tokyo now and i started a new job today. see you out there soon .